Should I blame years of participating in churches that avoided firm doctrinal stands on questions about eternal security, or should I blame my proud assumption during those years that I possessed ultimate control over my salvation? I tend towards the latter, based on my pride over "giving my life to the Lord" in the first place. But either way, I still struggle, when I sin in certain ways, with fear that my sin will disqualify me from admission to heaven.
Now that Scripture has finally convinced me that genuine Christians cannot lose, nor can they forfeit, salvation, my bouts with sin sometimes cause me to fear that I'm a false convert. My longsuffering husband patiently offers Scriptural correction each time I question my salvation, and I praise the Lord for allowing me to marry a man who won't permit me to interpret truth through my fickle emotions.
Slowly, the Lord has helped me shift my attention from my many sins to His finished work on the cross. His blood doesn't merely cover sins I committed prior to my conversion. Colossians 2:13-14 assures me that Christ has paid my entire debt! In rejoicing over this liberating truth the other night, I thought about verse 3 of the hymn, It Is Well With My Soul. May I grow ever more secure in what Christ has done on my behalf.